Do you know what it’s like to have ‘unshakeable self belief’?
The idea seems like a contradiction in terms when I hear it because…. Mind.
I love my mind. I love how flexible it can be, how wild, crazy, imaginative the thoughts that flow through it are. AND I know that so many of these thoughts are pitted against me. They ruminate and escalate, and spiral and turn inside out and back on themselves, constantly attempting to unsettle and unnerve my desires to expand, to grow, to evolve past the past and current versions of who I am.
My mind is single handedly (well with the help of thousands upon thousands of recurring thoughts) trying to keep me safe by freezing me at a point in time when something (it perceives as) awful happened. It wants me to stay stuck and not move in case it happens again. My mind wants to enslave me, which frankly, is not very nice….
It isn’t my mind’s fault.
That is what it is meant to do.
Its task is to use the unconscious data stored beneath the realms of my awareness and understanding as a reference library to all times something akin to (and by akin I am talking within a ballpark of possibly an obscenely ridiculously incomprehensible proportion) an original wound are activated, and spring into protective mode. Throwing up all the known and familiar behaviours, thoughts, reactions, distractions - all the things that cause me to want to stop choosing a new way to be, and lure me back to the ‘safety’ of the familiar.
It really does not matter how much I want to change, it really does not matter how wise the change would be, my mind is set on keeping me safe by avoiding anything that looks vaguely tricky, threatening or out of place - that will just not do for my mind; or yours.
I caught myself absentmindedly in Tesco doing some shopping today throwing up some of these familiar deeply entrenched ways of protecting myself through my thinking. Whilst observing the staff collecting online orders in those huge awkward to manoeuvre trolley things, I caught myself wondering if I ought to get a job in Tesco or somewhere I could have a steady and regular income, because you know self employment is such a risky business.
These types of thoughts creep into my mind from time to time because I have heard them so many times - mainly from other people who have never been self-employed and are concerned for me and how I am getting and will get on. It’s all around in the rhetoric that employment is the wise way. It is so easy to absorb that my way is too risky… BUT as soon as this thought crossed my mind through an unannounced side entrance, the main stage of my mind - or better put - my soul mind had this to say:
“Stop abandoning yourself like that. Stop ducking out on who you are, on what you came here to do, and what you are capable of, and BE THERE FOR YOU!”
Pretty clear, emphatic and unequivocal guidance. Every time I think the thoughts of not honouring my path, every time I think about the things I ‘should’ be doing instead of what I am drawn and pulled towards, every time I take the time to question my feelings in favour of logic, I am abandoning my inner wisdom, truth, power and mission in this life. And that’s ok as long as I realise that is what is happening and I right my progress as soon as possible.
What is not ok, is believing the thoughts I think and denying the things that I feel. What is not ok is believing that I don’t deserve to live a life that feels GREAT to me. What is not ok is trying to convince myself that I deserve less than I truly desire because someone else told me a story about that once, or because of the way that I look, the family I was born into, the heritage I walk with or because I am a single mother who raised her kids her way.
NONE of that is ok.
I want you to know that your life was given to you with many gifts, with many challenges and obstacles, not to make it unnecessarily hard, but to always invite you to remember who you are, and that you have SO MUCH MORE available to you that you might remember in the tricky moments when your mind takes hold.
You have a unique, divine mission to share who you are in the world, and to do it in the way that only you can. The things that light you up and excite you. The things that grab your attention and help you drift off into otherworldly connection because it feels so good to you, easy and effortlessly, are yours for a reason. They feel that way to you because you are meant to walk with and convene with them.
Anything that says otherwise offered by your mind or anyone else is simply not true.
I KNOW it may seem easy for me to write this, and even though on some level of your being (soul level magic) you may know this to be your absolute truth, there is always the legacy of imprints, conditioning, the ways that our mind plays tricks on us and holds us down, contorting and distorting our bigger expression. I know that as life clocks up more miles the evidence of things being hard, of life showing us how things can so easily go wrong continue to mount AND STILL, that is all ‘just’ the role of the epic mind at play. None of it has to be true for you!
I invite you to relegate your beautiful mind to a proportionate level of importance in your life. Not by putting it down or making it wrong because to reject a part of who you are like that simply won’t do. Rather, make friends with it, court it with intention, respect for what it does, but an understanding that together, you can do more. Take it off the pedestal and let it know that teamwork makes the dream work. You ARE going to have all the things that it is hell bent on telling you you can’t and you will do it with style, grace and unshakable self belief in you ;)
Loving you AND your mind 😘