THE PLAN I DIDN'T MAKE

I had a plan for this year. I don't remember all of it anymore — which tells you something about how much of it actually happened.

What happened instead was this: I was the only parent and the only child, at the same time, in the same weeks. There wasn't a version of the calendar that held both of those jobs gently.

I did them anyway.

There were mornings I woke up already tired — before my feet were even on the floor, my chest was doing the maths on everything the day was about to ask of me. I'd catch myself holding my breath somewhere around 7am and not know how long it had been like that.

I didn't choose most of what got reshuffled this year. The order of things just changed, and I was the one left holding the new order, whether I'd agreed to it or not.

There's a particular kind of grief in watching your own plans slide down the list, quietly, without you ever formally deciding to deprioritise them.

Nobody tells you it's happening. You just notice, one day, that the thing you used to call "your potential" has been sitting in a drawer for months, and you're not entirely sure when you put it there.

I won't pretend I found the silver lining straight away.

Some days it just felt like falling behind while everyone else's year seemed to be going roughly to plan.

But somewhere in the middle of it — I want to say breath found me, but really I just kept coming back to it, the same practice, every day, whether I had the energy for it or not — something shifted that wasn't only endurance.

It wasn't relief exactly.

It was closer to clarity. A kind of energy I hadn't expected to have this year, and, underneath the exhaustion, something unmistakably like joy.

I don't have this figured out, and the year isn't finished. What I do know is that the breath is still the thing carrying it — one session, every morning, whether the day has room for it or not.

This is the first of a few things I want to share about this year. Not the whole story — some of it isn't finished, and some of it was never fully mine to tell in public. But this part is: life didn't go to plan, and breath is what's getting me through the part where I have to live it anyway.

More soon.

Come and Conspire with me.

Shin Shin Kaizen

What if making change gets to be really easy… Would that make it more desirable to you?

I first came across the concept and practice of Kaizen in my Compliance Executive days, (many moons ago). I spent some time working in a company that had many arms to its business, one being manufacturing high end frames and casings for artwork and many other interesting things.

The Kaizen (改善) approach was introduced to manufacturing processes to help them become more efficient. Kaizen is a Japanese word that means small and continuous (good) improvement.  It was made well known in manufacturing as part of ‘lean manufacturing’, an approach developed by Toyota to reduce waste and defects whilst promoting productivity. The approach carries guiding principles based on inclusivity, curiosity, contribution and empowerment (beyond the scope of this share, but check it out if you are curious) which in essence, boil down to being actively present and aware of every part of the business whilst holding the belief that everything can be improved…..

Kaizen resurfaced as part of my Reiki studies. If you haven’t yet come across Reiki, it is a hands on healing system based on the teachings of Mikau Usui a Japanese teacher who rediscovered this ancient hands on healing potential through his study of scriptures and dedication to inner understanding. Reiki was brought to the west by Hawayo Takata and her teachings helped to support the exposure of the healing method outside of Japan.

The Reiki system consists of an integrated approach to changing one’s life which I learned as I moved beyond receiving Reiki sessions from a Reiki practitioner into studying. Level 1 Reiki is anchored in self healing (and sharing Reiki with those closest to us) which means daily self healing sessions, meditation and contemplation of the Reiki Precepts. It is from the Precepts (Codes of Practice) that the sentence shin shin kaizen Usui Reiki Ryoho is taken.  The translation loosely invites in the idea of small and continual improvement of our minds (spiritual, mental and emotional) and bodies using the Reiki system as a way to attain true happiness and connection with our true nature.

A daily life long commitment to be with ourselves, to be aware of our habits, our automatic reactions, the places we hold ourselves captive and play small all the while knowing that through this level of awareness we have a choice, we have another way to approach ourselves and our lives.  We have the option to be curious, we have the option to be tender, compassionate and kind, we have the inner resources to contribute meaningfully to who we want to be and how we want to be that way.  This is a beautiful concept and approach to the inevitable human desires - finding happiness, purpose, meaning, fulfilment, following dreams and living a life that feels good to us, for us.

Because life offers so much distraction, minutes, hours, days, months and years can pass us by without us realising the incremental shifts we acquire until what we notice in our habits, or physical experience, or persistent thoughts, emotions and beliefs becomes overbearing and we want to ‘sort’ ourselves out right away… but that is not always possible. So many components intertwine to create who we are everyday that despite the idea of immediate resolution being enticingly attractive, it is not only not sustainable, it short changes us on the magic of getting to know and understand ourselves more deeply.

Presence and the awareness presence makes available is so simple and yet so life affecting and altering. Being with ourselves, noticing the little things in the misplaced moments where we shift into safety mode and pick the thing, thought, action, reaction, feeling that has always been there (even if we don’t like it, and we don’t really want it) changes everything. The little things add up to big things over time that add up to a lifetime of unwanted things if we lose connection with ourselves. So knowing that the same can be not only true, but powerfully true and effective in the reverse is the stuff of dreams.

Taking responsibility of who we are and choosing to say yes to simple, small changes every single day knowing that they may not rock our world overnight, but with dedication, devotion and commitment they amount to a tidal wave of effective and maintainable change on all levels of our being is delicious and it gets to contribute to a lifetime of intentional, deliberate living that shapes who you are…. Are you in?