I don’t know - I mean, really I don’t!
Logically I can categorically say YES - OF COURSE I WILL!
I will apply the accumulated wisdom of my past experiences to my current understanding in order to avoid or restrict my exposure to repeating past mistakes. WHY WOULD I NOT?!!!
Why?
Could it be….because I am a human woman… a being that is on this earth to be bathed in experiences.
ALL of them. The good, the bad, the ugly, the joyous, the ecstatic and the REPETITIVE!
BOOO!!!!
Repetition of the fun stuff seems desirable - the lessons that lead to delicious outcomes are not to be sniffed at. I will gladly have them in abundance please. But the other ones. The ones that sting and lead to conclusions of room required to grow - those ones - please WHY?!
I already know why, but still please why?
At this stage and season in my life I feel as though I am in a chasmic purgatory. It is a season of hashing over deeply familiar actions or calls on my time. I had talked myself into seeing that because a significant phase of my world had shifted, that meant that everything else would too, and I would be a totally free agent….
I would be anew.
ANEW I tell thee!
The escapist in me was looking for a way out of certain circumstances, and what I missed by seeking this default thought process and behaviour was the opportunity to move quickly in my choices towards another way of seeing where I was in my life. I can now see this was the real gold and opportunity to move forward.
I thought that the bulk of my caring responsibilities had been set to the side, or at the very least hit on heavy pause, and that I have discovered is not where things are meant to be for me, for now.
When I consider how I have approached this discovery, and the subsequent internal petulance and disappointment I felt I can enjoy the error of my desire to run in the opposite direction to my reality. There’s also room for a little chuckle at my resistance, coupled with a chortle for my amnesia at how all this works.
The themes of my life will continue to be themes. Not because I’m being punished or deserving or not of seeing familiar views from different angles, but because these familiar themes serve as guideposts to my progress.
Every single time I happen upon the delight of something I’ve seen before and know all too well, I will know from the speed of my shift and response to being back in my sweet spots of repetition how much I have grown in this aspect of my life.
The longer it takes for me to trudge through the cycles of bitterness, annoyance, sadness, disappointment (and whatever other epithet of doom I am flirting with) the further I am away from moving on, and benefiting from growth.
Which happily means the faster I call myself out, and find a new perspective, new breath, new belief and energy, the greater the evidence that I’m on track with my internal upgrades.
It’s all about the turnaround time.
This is one of the few spaces in life where less time is where the action is at!
With all of this in mind, I really do know that I will never fully learn, and not only am I ok with that, it’s the perfect way it’s supposed to be 🌬️